putting discussion of this under a readmore bc it’s about the intersection of neuroatypicality + gender-nonconformity, but from like, a cis lesbian perspective? so your mileage may vary
tl;dr hannah gadsby, same hat
so I went to see Hannah Gadsby on tour with her new show called Douglas, and as part of the show she talks about how she was somewhat recently diagnosed with autism, and how that made a lot of things about her life make way more sense
…which is funny, because at the start of the show she’d made some jokes about how she hates audience interaction, and i was like “same hat”
but anyway she talked a bit about how the clothes she wears and the way she presents are tied to what makes her comfortable, as an autistic person; men’s clothes have more comfortable textures, she needs pockets to mask stimming, long hair feels uncomfortable, she only wears blue because it’s The Rules, etc. but then she goes on to say: “am I still butch? yes!” and like. I have different comfort needs wrt how i exist as a person but the whole thing was a big mood.
I feel very strongly that my gender fits comfortably within the “woman” bounds but also the way neutrotypical straight women do gender is not really relatable or comfortable for me. Being a lesbian weirdly made me suddenly way more comfortable with my physical and gendered existence, possibly just because it sort of took the societally mandated relationship to cis straight men out of the equation, and a lot of “hey ladiesssss” content is sort of still predicated on having that relationship, on some level. or something???
that and like with the way autism interacts with all of this it’s sort of like a lot of things are “I know I’m this thing, but wow do a lot of the rules of being this thing not make sense to me, who made these rules, maybe I’ll just go over here and make up my own rules for being this thing and hope no one notices”
so like. anyway. that sure was a mood. 10/10 would recommend listening to hannah gadsby yell at anti-vaxxers for ten minutes in this show, also stay for the art history lecture. I would listen to Hannah Gadsby drag classical art forever.